8 am

It’s been quite a stressful week. Work was incredibly taxing and DH and I had to be up early to attend an event this morning. This week I was feeling excessively tired but figured it was from pulling a few 10-hour days at work.

(Some TMI at after this point. You’ve been warned.)

Thursday night I had watery-ish discharge with a spot of brown when I wiped. I got a little hopeful but it was measured because I read somewhere that typically when there is implantation any cervical mucus dries up. But I also read that some women continue to have a little discharge.

Yesterday I began having light cramps and I guess in my mind I thought this could be a sign of implantation, coupled with the brown discharge. After all, DH and I went on a mini vacation earlier in the month. Our cat had died recently and we needed a break from the city. The trip nicely coincided with my fertile week and it was honestly the most relaxed I had been in months.

Should be the ideal fertility conditions, right?

Fast forward to this morning, 8 am. Giant red spot when I wiped. I was stunned, angry, frustrated, pretty much every negative emotion in the book. DH had his sperm analysis redone last week and it came back fine, so all I could think about was how this had to be my fault. I kept my emotions in check so we could go the the event, but when we got home I fell apart. Knowing that something was wrong with me (this cycle was only 24 days), there was nothing wrong with DH’s fertility, and the void without a third person (our cat) being more obvious today than usual was the perfect I-hate-the-world storm.

After I cried (a lot), I got my shit together and began doing some research. I read that Vitex can help those who have low progesterone, which seems to be my case. I’m going to buy some tomorrow and fingers crossed it will work.

Since my last post, my attitude was “who cares, let’s enjoy life.” Things have changed since our cat died and it’s just DH and I again. This was my first period since we lost our little guy and I believe that’s probably why I was so upset this morning. However, it helps to have a wonderfully supportive husband and the smallest shard of hope.

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