Gah I’m so annoyed. I’ve been crampy the last 2 days and I’m worried that I’m about to get my period. It’s due tomorrow. Part of me feels superstitious, as in if I tell people that something good is about to happen then it won’t happen. Like I’ll feel like a let down if I say something. I feel like I shouldn’t have told friends that DH and I are still trying after almost 2 years. Maybe if I stop being optimistic about pregnancy I won’t be so disappointed every 28ish days.
I’ve been surrounded by baby news at work and within our family, which hasn’t helped my general mood. I’m cranky and tired and so over this. I don’t understand how it’s so effortless for some women to get pregnant, but it’s such an expensive and time consuming endeavor for us. And emotionally draining for me.
I hate this. I hate this whole process. I hate taking pills, being poked and prodded and scraped. All this feels like a huge wasted effort. Sadly I wish I knew if it was even possible for me to get pregnant so I can get on with life. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO GET PREGNANT