Cranky Pants

I’m so frustrated.

This Clomid dose is taking a real toll on me. My mood has been all over the place (although that could be resulting from work stress) but the worst part is that I’ve been experiencing some vaginal pain, to the point that sitting is uncomfortable and toilet paper feels like sand paper. This sucks, considering I need my vagina to help me get pregnant. This only started when I went up on the dose but I’ll definitely bring this up when I see the doctor tomorrow morning.

Work has been a nightmare the last 2 weeks and it feels like it will remain awful for a few more weeks. There are a bunch of program launches happening soon and I’m leading one of them, so I have side projects in addition to the mountain of work I had starting the week. I hate consistently feeling like I’m a little less behind at the end of the day versus getting to a good stopping point. But I guess dem’s the breaks for now.

Running this morning was frustrating. I did 2 miles but I wanted to stop around .8 miles. I didn’t sleep well and I was having a hard time focusing. It relates back to work stress for the most part. I was hoping that running would help burn off some of that stress but it only added to it. My legs felt like heavy weights during most of the run and I was starting to feel hopeless about a 5k that DH and I are planning to run soon. On the positive side, I ran my first sub 13 minute mile in almost 5 months on Tuesday! My legs hurt a little bit after but it was so worth it. This weekend I plan to run outside for the first time in over a month. It’s going to be cold but I’m looking forward to getting back outside, especially since my times are historically better versus on the treadmill.

Speaking of this weekend, I had a nice talk with DH last night about shifting our priorities. Since the holidays (and honestly way before then too) we’ve been spending a lot of time around friends and family, which awesome, but not a ton of time doing things as a couple. I mean, we do things like buy groceries together but activities like exploring have dropped off. Plus, we’ve been on the go so much that our place had become a mess. It wasn’t a pig sty mind you, but clutter was everywhere. We’ve developed a bad habit of dropping our stuff anywhere and leaving it there until maybe the weekend because we had something to run to. I got fed up yesterday and tidied up. I felt much better as our space was way more functional. This weekend though, there is a big event this weekend that we had planned to go (and many of our friends are going to) but I finally had to draw a line. I’m already spent from work and not feeling up to it. DH wanted to go and I was thinking about mustering up some energy to go with him, but when I talk to my mom she suggested that DH go on his own. I normally wouldn’t care but considering the size of the event and how many friends would be there I would feel more comfortable going with him. It’s not that I don’t trust DH, it’s that he tends to get caught up in things and loses situational awareness. We talked last night though and I discussed with him making our marriage more of a priority. As much as we love our friends and our family, we have to start making more time for us. Fortunately, he was in agreement and said that it would be better to spend this weekend to ourselves. We’re going to try and spend one weekend a month together, in that we aren’t schedule to meet anyone anywhere. We’ll see how that works out but I’m looking forward to getting some rest this weekend.

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