4 am

4 am.

That’s the time I woke up this morning with sharp, stabbing pains. This was apparently my period’s way of announcing itself. I was up for an hour praying for the ibuprofen to kick in at any second. My periods are awful and typically leave me nearly dysfunctional. It makes it all the more frustrating that not only is my period a confirmation that I’m still not pregnant, but also the signal that I will be parked on the couch/bed curled up in pain until the meds work. I’m considering asking my doctor for prescription-level painkillers next cycle if I don’t get pregnant because I can’t imagine doing this monthly for the next 20+ years. I actually went on birth control for 10 years because the pain would be so bad I’d get sick (as in, I couldn’t keep down water for at least 12 hours after my period started) and have to miss school.

As a side note, I have to say it’s pretty cool how intuitive animals are. When I was up waiting for the cramps to subside, the cat jumped on my lap and put her paws on my belly. We’ve had her for almost 2 months now and that’s a first.

Anyway, it’s disheartening to know that this round of Clomid didn’t work. The plan is that I do another round of Clomid 100mg, and if that doesn’t work then try the trigger shot. If that doesn’t work, then do the IUI. And if that doesn’t work, IVF. I draw the line at IUI, depending on the cost. But IVF is mostly out of the question due to expense. I met with a friend today who is going through similar difficulties with getting pregnant and it feels good to know that there is someone who is in the same boat as me. She hasn’t been trying nearly as long but can relate to how I’ve been feeling. She mentioned doing IVF but I’m still on the fence. In addition to the cost, I’m not sure how far I’m willing to go to have a child. While we were talking, I thought about the stages of grief. I feel like I’m in the acceptance stage because it’s appearing that being childless is becoming more of a reality, especially if the second round of Clomid fails.

In the meantime, I’ll try to keep busy and focus on my health. It’s the only thing I can do until Monday, when I call in my next round of Clomid.


One comment

  1. megmralph · February 13, 2017

    The EXACT same happened to me this morning. Cramping woke me up at 3am. I figured I’d take a pregnancy test and started spotting before the test was even done. Boo.

    Good luck with your next round! We need to check with my RE but I think we’ll be moving on to IUI this month.


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