Go Time

This felt like the longest morning.

DH’s appointment was about an hour before mine. He went to the doctor’s office to make his deposit and when he got home he apologized for taking a while. DH said he had some performance challenges due to worrying that he didn’t produce enough sperm. I gave him some reassurance then had to leave for my appointment.

I sat there for a solid 45 minutes in the lobby just waiting. I texted a few friends who are going through similar fertility difficulties to pass the time, but this was probably the longest I’ve ever waited to be seen. I started worrying about whether everything was okay but was finally called back. To do the IUI, the nurse used a catheter to insert DH’s sperm (essentially like using a thin turkey baster). It hurt like hell, which was my biggest concern. When the catheter was in it felt like someone was pinching my cervix. When the catheter was finally out, I experienced some cramping, which the nurse said was normal. She told me to take ibuprofen for the pain, and a pregnancy test in 2 weeks. The IUI itself took all of 2 minutes but the agony of waiting was exhausting. I’m glad I took the day off and I’m really hoping this works.

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Shots! Shots! Shots!

My mood has been all of the damn place. I finished the Clomid over the weekend and yesterday I went back to the doctor to get my follicles measured. One was thankfully the right length so we had a green light for the trigger shot and IUI.  My mind was all over the place about whether the shot would work, the expense of fertility treatments, and other random things. Yesterday was supposed to be my next day to run but since my mind was so scrambled I did some strength training instead and walked. It helped my mood a little bit but as it got closer to the time to administer the shot, I was pacing and doubting again. The shot itself wasn’t bad. I had to do it next to my belly button and actually didn’t hurt. Once my nerves settled a bit afterwards, DH and I baby danced. DH is about as nervous as me about this whole process and he had some performance anxiety. I was trying to reassure him but in my mind I was flipping the fuck out, considering we literally had one shot. Things worked out in the end, fortunately, but I had a bit of an existential crisis afterwards. I started to worry about how it felt like having a child was one step closer to death, questioned whether I was actually ready for motherhood, lamenting how much we’ve spent trying to have a baby, etc etc. Completely irrational stuff.

Today I felt worse. My mind was calm but physically I felt ready to crawl out of my skin. My emotions were so heightened that I could barely do my job and I wondered whether it was stress, the extra hormones from the shot, or both. I had to really focus on my reactions to things so as to not snap at anyone or cry. I guess the best way to describe it is feeling extremely physically uncomfortable. If I have to do this again I’m taking 2 days off from work: the day after the shot and the day of the IUI.

Anyway, I made it through the day without killing anyone but now we wait for the actual IUI. DH will go in before me to make his sperm donation and I go in after so they can do the insemination. I’m concerned because I didn’t have to take any pain meds beforehand, but I read that a catheter is used. I guess it’ll be fine, but I hope it’s not painful like my HSG. I really hope this works because I don’t want to go through this again.

30

30.

That’s how many months we’ve been trying to get pregnant now. I was cautiously optimistic last week as my period was 4 days late, but alas it was not meant to be. These stupid omega 3 pills have extended my cycle by 3-4 days (which is good) but has been giving me false hope in the 2 months I’ve been taking them (which is bad). I had an ultrasound done today to check for any cysts before starting the next step, which is to go on Clomid and do the IUI next week.

The ultrasound was a pain in the ass since my left ovary never wants to cooperate. The doctor had to uncomfortably aim the wand since she couldn’t see it clearly. I have to go back to the doctor in a week so she can count my follicles to ensure they are the right length. If they are, I’ll do the trigger shot that night and then the IUI 2 days later. If not, I’ll have to go back again in a day or two later to get the follicles measured again. The doctor suggested that I do 3 rounds of the IUI and if all 3 fail, it will be time to re-evaluate our options again. I’m hoping it works because DH and I decided that IUI was the last step.

Final Countdown

The human mind is kinda amazing. I’ve been consistently running twice a week now directly after work. I’m usually wiped after work but telling myself that it’s just 30 minutes has been making a big different. I’m still doing intervals but starting last week I decreased my walk time and increased my run time. I still have all my run data from this year saved in an app and my pace is almost a minute faster than when I ran my first 5k in March. Our next 5k is about a month away and I’m excited. I’m considering trying to bump up my runs to 3 times a week but my legs are a bit sore from yesterday. I’m hoping to get my pace down by another minute, especially since we’re looking at another race in December. Not sure if I’m ambitious or a glutton for punishment at this point.

Here We Go Again

After our run last week, I had some minor shin pain. Due to the HSG and an extremely busy week at work, I took a week off from running. DH and I ran yesterday and I was a minute over my usual pace, in part due to an event we literally ran into, and due to wet pavement. I also tried to slow down when I began feeling shin pain but it was challenging since DH was the pacesetter. I asked him to slow down a few times but he’d eventually unconsciously speed up again. I gave up after a bit and tried to keep pace, but I’m paying for it today. It’s annoying since we’re less than 2 months from our next race, but I guess I’ll just be on the bike or elliptical this week and probably next. Such a pain in the ass. These last 2 runs probably messed up my shins too because I’ve been predominantly running on the treadmill due to the heat. After I recover from the shin pain I’ll give outdoor running another shot but hopefully all will go better. I’m super excited about this race though and we’re looking at race #3 in November!

All Clear

My tubes are clear!

The HSG went way better this time. I took my meds as prescribed, including my Valium, and barely felt anything. In fact, I was fading in and out of consciousness during the procedure. I’m so glad I asked DH to take the day off. As far as next steps, I think we have to wait to see if I get pregnant this month before I start Clomid again. I’m a little nervous since I had the HSG at the tail end of my fertile window, so I had about a day left. I guess time will tell.  There was some pain the next day, but I avoided taking my prescription painkiller due to its sedative properties. The pain was more of an annoyance than anything else. I tell you what though, I had the best sleep ever after my procedure.